I now realize that my other blog, The Bitchy Deli, isn't so bad after all. To me, it's been a forum to blow off steam, be negative/positive/funny/pensive, and just write. I don't have to display pretty pictures, or research anything. I can just be pissed off and type away, post, and be done with it. So I don't often get over there to look at what I've written. But I'm strangely pleased with it, and would hate for it to languish on the sidelines while I devote all my energy to reverie. TBD may not be shiny and bright, but there's something very real and raw about it. In my mind, TBD would be played by Ally Sheedy's character Allison Reynolds from The Breakfast Club, and reverie would be played by Molly Ringwald's character Claire Standish.
To be honest, TBD represents the dark (if not darkly funny) side of me. It's the side I try to sweep under the rug a bit, don't really mention too often, and rarely promote. Reverie is the precocious, perfect, gorgeous, smart, funny, and popular blog, while TBD is the black sheep who wears too much eye makeup and thinks irony is pretty damn funny sometimes. There are days that I'm feeling like Ally and I yearn to be Molly, and vice versa. So to have the opportunity to be either, both, or neither (when I'm dead tired and just wanna sleep) is a wonderful thing.
Anyhow, I just happened to create today's post (which I admit, seems to be a chore some days) and I decided to read the older stuff while I was over there. And some of it is pretty funny or weird or interesting—to me, anyhow. It's a form of release for me, to be able to speak my mind, and to not have to edit my thoughts or bite my tongue. To see this side of me illustrated in words and recorded for prosperity is rather comforting in a strange way.
I do think my neurotic and stressed personality is VERY evident in TBD. It isn't healthy for me to be like that, and that's something I should work on. I think Hawaii is a good place to begin developing my new, calmer self. But then again, I feel comfortable being able to show that side of me at TBD, and being able to save the good stuff for this blog. The reverie side of me is a pretty, happy, and well-pressed outfit that I like to wear most of the time—but not always. That's where TBD comes in, when I just want to throw on some old jeans and a faded tee, feel comfy in my own skin, and not have to be anything I'm not feeling that day.
Well, I think it's high time that I throw out a plug for Ally for once. She's my alter ego and my emotional crutch, and she should be celebrated and enjoyed sometimes. Molly is the one who wants to make sure everyone is happy, but Ally is the one who doesn't always give a crap, and that's okay.
(Photos courtesy of filmfashion.nl and xanga.com)