Tuesday, May 5, 2009
I find myself in a really positive state of mind lately, and it's odd, but extremely nice. Kind of like a new dress that you can't wait to wear and like to dance around in, yet it feels new and alien and different than the "normal" you. I take the utmost joy in picking flowers in my backyard, savoring the taste of a chocolate bar, snuggling in some freshly-laundered linens, and having a great conversation with someone. That's how relaxed and just plain happy I feel these days.
I also think it's odd that I'm so happy now that I'm unemployed, but I think it's because I've been slowly finding my way down a few new paths, as well as because I'm away from an extremely stressful and depressing job. The children's book writer and illustrator seminar I went to on Saturday really opened my eyes and heart. She emphasized how an artist should always have a place in their home to create, and how they shouldn't apologize for what they are or what they see or what they make. She encouraged us to go for our dreams and just try. If the work doesn't come to you, then make your own work. I was so excited when I called Pete to tell him all about it. The teacher was wonderful, and she filled me with so much hope and potential. I feel like I can pursue my love of illustration, photography, and children's literature during a time when I would have been stuck in a bad job, doing something I cared little for, and not getting anywhere. When I think of my life a few months ago, I shudder at all the misery. Not that unemployment is a cake walk, but I didn't realize how utterly miserable I was before, and I guess it takes being truly happy to realize how unhappy you once were.
On the same day as my seminar, I also found out I'm getting another freelance project at the end of the month from my usual client. This fills me with so much joy and excitement. I'm hoping to carry that energy into new pursuits, new freelance contacts, and new projects. And I guess a lot of the enthusiasm comes from the continued remodeling of my home, which has been a long time coming. I'm actually able to walk around in my kitchen, to open my sliding screen door, to turn on my porch light and see who's at the door, all things I couldn't do only a matter of a week ago. You tend to take such mundane things for granted, but when they're not there, boy, do you feel the effects. When home is pretty and cozy and happy, so am I.
Thoughts of the future come to mind, things I'll be doing during the next six months, year, five years, and so on. The growth of my family, hobbies, work, and marriage...life seems so full of purpose and potential that I can hardly contain myself. I'm thrilled to be getting in touch with my long-postponed artistic career, and thoroughly enjoy puttering around my house, fixing things, finding great flea market finds, and relaxing with my animals.
I think this pretty dress suits me just fine.