Happy

I find myself in a really positive state of mind lately, and it's odd, but extremely nice. Kind of like a new dress that you can't wait to wear and like to dance around in, yet it feels new and alien and different than the "normal" you. I take the utmost joy in picking flowers in my backyard, savoring the taste of a chocolate bar, snuggling in some freshly-laundered linens, and having a great conversation with someone. That's how relaxed and just plain happy I feel these days.

I also think it's odd that I'm so happy now that I'm unemployed, but I think it's because I've been slowly finding my way down a few new paths, as well as because I'm away from an extremely stressful and depressing job. The children's book writer and illustrator seminar I went to on Saturday really opened my eyes and heart. She emphasized how an artist should always have a place in their home to create, and how they shouldn't apologize for what they are or what they see or what they make. She encouraged us to go for our dreams and just try. If the work doesn't come to you, then make your own work. I was so excited when I called Pete to tell him all about it. The teacher was wonderful, and she filled me with so much hope and potential. I feel like I can pursue my love of illustration, photography, and children's literature during a time when I would have been stuck in a bad job, doing something I cared little for, and not getting anywhere. When I think of my life a few months ago, I shudder at all the misery. Not that unemployment is a cake walk, but I didn't realize how utterly miserable I was before, and I guess it takes being truly happy to realize how unhappy you once were.

On the same day as my seminar, I also found out I'm getting another freelance project at the end of the month from my usual client. This fills me with so much joy and excitement. I'm hoping to carry that energy into new pursuits, new freelance contacts, and new projects. And I guess a lot of the enthusiasm comes from the continued remodeling of my home, which has been a long time coming. I'm actually able to walk around in my kitchen, to open my sliding screen door, to turn on my porch light and see who's at the door, all things I couldn't do only a matter of a week ago. You tend to take such mundane things for granted, but when they're not there, boy, do you feel the effects. When home is pretty and cozy and happy, so am I.

Thoughts of the future come to mind, things I'll be doing during the next six months, year, five years, and so on. The growth of my family, hobbies, work, and marriage...life seems so full of purpose and potential that I can hardly contain myself. I'm thrilled to be getting in touch with my long-postponed artistic career, and thoroughly enjoy puttering around my house, fixing things, finding great flea market finds, and relaxing with my animals.

I think this pretty dress suits me just fine.

The end of an era

Waiting for the harvest

"Money tree, don't fail me now!"

(A random thought at work this week)

Wisdom from my morning cup of tea

And there you have it

I knew it was coming. We all did. Our company has been dying a slow, painful death over the last few years, and especially during the last 8 months or so. We were just never sure when. And with all the games, the intimidation, the finger pointing, keeping your head down was a priority and you expected the ax to fall at any moment. Seriously, every day was agony. Would it be today? Who would go? How would they go? They have botched previous layoffs before. People were sometimes notified by hearsay from others about their own layoffs. Or the "angel of death"—an employee chosen to retrieve the unlucky ones from their cubes and take them to the HR office—would incite fear and panic every time her head could be seen bobbing along a department's row.



Yesterday was no different. The early email about a company-wide meeting was the first panic alarm sounded. Then it was the glimpse of corporate higher ups milling about. Finally, seeing the HR person on site on her off day (she only came by our company twice a month) incited nervous chattering and upset stomachs. No one could focus, and you could cut the tension with a knife.



So when we all finally sat down in that meeting, some of us with kleenex at the ready, others already wiping the tears away, we all knew. That didn't make it any easier, although the certainty of it happening and having an end date (April 1st) for our doors to permanently close was somehow a huge relief. Never knowing if you might be working your last day or not was agony; knowing you were working toward your last day is strangely not. Not being singled out as in previous layoffs, but instead leaving in one large group, together, was easier to stomach too. And although not all of us will likely make it to April 1st, we are fairly certain we'll be around in February for the job search seminars. March, on the other hand, is another matter entirely.



So the severance packets have been passed around, an HR meeting is scheduled for today (there are so many questions), but life at our company goes on for the moment. It's a scary world out there right now, with record unemployment levels and a global financial downward spiral underway. But I think this current dark and ominous path will lead to brighter and happier places ahead. To have nowhere to go but up can be a good thing in a way. It lends an air of hope and promise, and gives one a sense of purpose when job hunting, especially if careers are to be changed and professions to be re-examined.



Until that time, however, our company's slow painful death continues—but with all of us in this together now, until a definite end, which has finally been granted.

Back to the drawing board

(Ha ha, no, not THIS drawing board...)

I've been doubly blessed during the last few weeks. First, I got a new assignment from a good client of mine to illustrate/design a new game. Then, I was contacted out of the blue to do a children's book, which is something I've always wanted to do and is a profession I'd like to sort of slide into this year. I figure I'm probably going to be forced to make a career move sooner rather than later anyhow (it's pretty grim at my current job, if you haven't heard me gripe about it before). So to start off the new year with two jobs is just the best feeling in the world. I'm so grateful that I have been granted the opportunity to pick up my pen again (whether a real pen or a computer drawing tablet pen) and play with those images floating around in my imagination. I can only hope that I do the best job possible and start paving my way toward a happier and MUCH more creative future.

It's good to have a career-related reason to smile. It seems like it's been forever for me. I suppose I should stop blogging and get to work, eh?